Reason

I'm really into looking at, coveting, dreaming about, wanting all these pretty shiny things because it's a distraction. Clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry, celebrities... It's my way of escaping from everyday life.

I'm not very good at dealing with pain in the physical and emotional sense. When the problems directly involve me, I sort of shut down.

I remember when I was in elementary school, my dad (he worked like 5 am-10 pm every day) was taking a bath. And I guess my mom found him unable to move his body? To this day I'm not sure what it was. A mini stroke? The ambulance came and I turned on the tv. My mom yelled at me. How could I watch tv when dad was in so much pain?

Because I couldn't deal. I could lose myself in the tv show and pretend like dad wasn't hurting.

Not the most healthy way in dealing with things.

I've never lost anyone close to me. That is my biggest fear.

Edit: Wanted to clarify that I am not "in pain" or any sort right now. That was just more of a side story.


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