Advice From Your Neighborhood Colonoscopy Office Nurse

If constipated. warm up your prune juice in the microwave.  To the point where it's a bit steamy.  

Say What?

One of my biggest pet peeves is when random people come up to me and say something in the language they believe I speak.

Example 1:  We're at a bar and some random kid obnoxiously yells in my face, Ahn-nyung ha sae yo!  Meaning hello in Korean.   Yeah, he's middle eastern so I'm sure his Korean consists of this one greeting and maybe kimchee.  Seriously, how do you want me to act?  Super flattered that you took the time to pick-up something at the Korean BBQ restaurant?  Next time, I'm going to plaster a big goofy grin on my face and curse your ass out in Korean.  Joke's on you sucka!

Example 2:  We are waiting in line and this frat boy shouts at my husband Konichiwa, which is hello in Japanese.  I'm grimacing because this boy has no idea who he's just irritated.  Mr. Ho slowly walks towards him and asks again What did you say?  And frat boy nervously replies You're Japanese so I said hello.  I studied abroad there.  Luckily, Mr. Ho retained his cool and just walked away.  If it were another day, another place, frat boy wouldn't have been so lucky.  What an idiot.  Mr. Ho is so not Japanese.  There is no one I know who looks more Chinese than my husband.  Although, I did think he was Korean when I first met him because he was always around Koreans and frequented Korean clubs.  That's a different story.  

Example 3:  One day during recess, this kid said to me Chinese.  Japanese.  Dirty Knees.  Look at these!  I told my teacher and he got a referral and a suspension.  What does that crap mean anyway?  

Moral of the story, don't be an asshole.

Boots & Bedding

Lately, I've been preoccupied with a couple things - finding the perfect pair of flat black leather boots and finalizing our bedding.  I should be more Christmas-focused, especially since our name is written all over this holiday - HO HO HO, anyone?  

First, I've been coveting these Loeffler Randall boots since I saw a picture of Blake Lively wearing them in a magazine.  I even cut out the picture - more on my magazine reading habits another day. Retails around $700.  

Readers, you know my problem (refer to the entry dated November 10, 2008).  With boots and sneakers, I can get by with a size 5 or when I'm desperate, a 5.5.  Well, I decided I need flat black boots.  And once I decide I need something, I NEED it.  It's this uncontrollable urge that consumes me.  

Days of internet searching later, I find these babies, at the lowest price of $91 AND a size 5!

Pretty damn good match, right?!  (Soaking in your awe of my bargain hunting saavy...)

Now bedding is another story.  You must go to the store to inspect quality and color.  We just painted our room a blue-gray with white moldings and I want a mostly white bed with gray touches.  I go to Bed Bath & Beyond because we have a lot of store credit from the wedding and I love their 20% coupons. I almost bought these 800 count sheets but Pure Beech bedding caught my eye.  If you need new sheets, please buy these.  They are the softest sheets EVER, good for sensitive skin, eco-friendly, keeps you cool, AND stays bright wash after wash.

I've grown up with one pillow, one blanket, and one fitted sheet.  But this time around, I want a bed with tons of pillows and just so fluffy looking you want to stay in bed all day long (not that I need that).  

I do have one question though:  I don't get the flat sheet.  The way you tuck it in?  What is the point of it?  It always ends up pissing me off in the middle of the night because it's tangled between my legs. Someone enlighten me, please.

This perfect bed obsession is pretty fruitless because we NEVER make the bed.  I find it so pointless. Why waste time and energy when the situation will be the same 12 hours later?  But I do have some bed rules, which are:

1.  You must shower before getting into bed.
2.  Don't put any foreign objects on the bed - dirty clothes, bags, etc...
3.  Duvet buttons must always be at the top when sleeping.
4.  Don't get NEAR the bed in clothes you've worn outdoors or near Rocky.
5.  I don't like anyone other than Mr. Ho or myself to touch, sit, and especially lay on our bed.

It comes down to one rule, really.  Keep the bed clean!  It's only for our benefit.  Bed bugs are NASTY! And germs are worse. 

This blog entry made me out to be a bit OCD, huh?  I know I have control issues.  Maybe I'll try to work on them as a new year resolution.

Probably not!