Sunday Night

Sunday nights are all the same. Unwinding from the weekend, getting ready for another week. I'm just sitting here at my desk in the kitchen, drinking wine, listening to Adele, and jotting down things-to-do in my planner. It's nice and quiet in the house. Mr. Ho's at football and Miss Olive is off in dreamland.

We had a good weekend. Yesterday was a rainy, miserable day. We went to the grocery store at 8 AM and then I did laundry and cleaned the house throughout the day. Mr. Ho made homemade ramen. It was Momofuku style. UNBELIEVABLY delicious!!!! It is an all-day affair but so worth the deliciousness! Today, I had lunch with Kim and Michelle at Wildfire. It was great to catch up with the ladies. Then we went to dinner with the in-laws and Olive's great-grandmother and Uncle Steve/Bong!

I had all these things I wanted to write and now I can't remember a damn thing.

Oh, here's one. While I'm sleeping and I have to pee in real life, I always dream about peeing. I search for a bathroom and it's always I either can't find one, the bathroom is filthy and I don't want to pee, or I sit on a toilet and no matter how hard I try, I just can't pee. Thank goodness I've never wet the bed. Haha.

So people keep asking me when I'm having another bebe. It's inevitable. Listen, I just want to enjoy Olivia. I want to relish in our little unit of 3. I want to feel normal for a little bit. And then we'll try again. Give me at least a year. Let me celebrate my 30th birthday in a drunken stupor and then we'll talk.

I have a picture of Miranda Kerr as my wallpaper on my iPhone as thinspiration but it's not working. I think I need to tattoo her hot body onto my hand or something. There is only one picture of her that really pisses me off though.


I hate it for 2 reasons.
1. She looks effing unbelievable after having a child! I looked a hot swollen mess.
2. I am super jealous of her beautiful baby at the boob. I still get really sad about that.

Anyway.

I took Oli to my grandparents on Friday. I always hate myself afterwards because I don't go there enough. They get such joy from seeing their great-granddaughter. What is wrong with me? We walked around Montgomery Mall afterwards. Zara has an AMAZING collection right now. It took SO MUCH self-control not to buy out the store. I just bought a couple of items because I have to remember I'll get to do some damage in California. I purchased a pair of pants, a navy blazer, a t-shirt dress, and a poofy skirt. I reluctantly put down a tank, shorts, and the CUTEST green dress. I was SO close to keeping the dress but I saw that the stitching was off and it was the last in my size so... *sigh*

I cleaned my closet yesterday. I got rid of 2 trashbags full of stuff and it didn't really make a dent. I really wish I had a personal stylist to bring me tons of options.

Ok. I think I'm going to take a shower. Nitey Nite Party People!

Farewell

Today is my last official day of pumping. I may have to use it if I am in pain, but for now, goodbye my mortal enemy/best friend. I hope I never have to see your ugly tubes again.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Update

For those interested, I am very close to weaning. I am down to pumping once a day for 5 minutes. Tuesday, I will stop pumping completely. I am nervous because it's become more painful since doing only 1 pump. Let's just say I smell like rice and/or cabbage. I really want someone to say something like, "I feel like a salad," so I can pull out some cabbage from my bra.

Housebound

We are finally getting work on the basement done. We are repainting everything, converting Danny's old room into a playroom, installing more recessed lighting, and installing a mini bar. I will post pictures once everything is settled! In the meantime, I can't really leave the house. So far, it's ok but I know I'll be going a little stir-crazy come Thursday or so.

Our ex-roomie OGDM is in Japan right now with his company iRobot. I'm so proud of him! The devastation is enormous and every little bit we can do to help makes an impact. I hate the news these days. Japan, Libya...

Olivia is doing great! I haven't really been updating this blog because I'm always posting new pictures of her on my tumblr account. My parents also both got iPhones so they are constantly texting me for new pictures of what she's doing at the moment. It was really frustrating trying to teach them how to use the phones via Skype. But I think they have the hang of it now. Some of their messages are kind of cryptic. For instance, I got a, "How is my sweaty doing today?" I'm pretty sure he meant me, his sweetie. Or Olivia, his main squeeze?

I don't think she will be walking anytime soon. She just is not too interested in standing on her own. She can cruise and she likes to climb on stuff, but walking on her own is kind of out of the question. Mr. Ho says he likes that she is somewhat immobile because it'll get 10x harder once she's on the move. But I'm eager to see her toddle around. I think it will just be so cute! I should buy her some shoes.

Weaning is..going, I guess. I've been dropping 5 minutes from my pumping sessions every 4 days. Right now, I'm at 5 minutes in the morning, 15 minute in the evening. I have noticed a huge decrease in my supply. Luckily, Olivia is doing ok on cow's milk so I mix whatever I pump with that. You will also find cabbage leaves poking out of my shirt these days because it helps with engorgement. I can't wait till this shiznit is over with. I am definitely going to treat myself to something after it is over with. Maybe a new pair of shoes? Mommy needs a new pair of shoes!

I'm going to doze a bit until the contractor gets here. He comes later and later every morning. Sheesh.

Why

Why do I like Hello Kitty now?

Why is weaning taking so long?

Why is Olivia's runny nose not going away?

One year ago

Last year on this day, Mr. Ho and I went to Georgetown Cupcakes in Bethesda to fulfill my cupcake craving. We bought extras and brought some to the Wiltshires. Mr. Ho went to go play his flag football game and I was waiting for him to come home with some Baja Fresh, which was my first mexican craving of the pregnancy.

**A little TMI**

All day, I felt a little trickle down there and just assumed it was a part of "normal pregnancy" as my OBGYN kept referring to all my symptoms. I felt the need to pee and couldn't really control my bladder but I was 37 weeks so I figured I was just losing a bit of bladder control. But by night time, I felt sort of suspicious so I took a sniff at my underwear. It smelled like bleach! I googled "when your water breaks" and read that bleach-smelling liquid could be a sign that your bag of waters had broken! So I called my doctor and his on-call partner told me to just go to the hospital to get a test, just in case. I phone-bombed Mr. Ho. He did not pick up. In the mean time, I began to add the finishing touches to my hospital bag and mentally prepared myself, but at the same time, did not get my hopes up in case this was just a false alarm.

Mr. Ho finally called back in a complete panic! I told him what was going on and he sped home. He was quite the flustered one, to say the least. I told him he HAD to take a shower in case this was the real deal. FInally, we were on our way. I remember walking into the hospital hand-in-hand saying how we will probably be going home in an hour or two!

No, not so much!

The tests showed my waters indeed had broken and so they would be inducing my labor. I was given pitocin and admitted into room 312. It took 3 nurses to get my iv in. My arms were terribly bruised afterwards. I was also STARVING since I hadn't eaten anything substantial all day but I couldn't eat because of the meds. I was eating popsicles, watching the Kardashians and thinking this was a piece of cake. I had planned on enduring the pains as much as I could.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. How would I describe the pain? Like period cramps, multiplied by a million. And cramps when you have to poop, multiplied by a million. I definitely got an epidural but I really hated how numb my legs felt. I really can't remember if the epidural hurt or not. I was too focused on my labor pains. I threw up a few times. I hardly slept. I was fully dilated around noon the next day. I pushed for about 2.5 hours and my OBGYN decided my hips were too narrow to get this baby down safely. So with much regret, I had to have a c-section. I remember being wheeled out of the room into surgery and my brother saying to my mom, "She's going to start crying." And I definitely did. I was tired, in a lot of pain, and so frustrated.

Mr. Ho met me in the operating room where I was given more drugs. I was so loopy. I remember feeling a lot of pressure and then all of sudden, I heard a baby crying. And INSTANTLY, Mr. Ho and I looked at each other and we both had tears running down our faces. They took little Olivia to get warmed up while they stitched me up. It was around Olympic time and one of the doctors (not mine) asked mydoctor about curling. I know, WTF. Can you just place my organs back in nicely, not leave anything behind, and stitch me up, please?

I was still very drugged up so it was kind of a blur. But it all happened really fast. I remember holding her finally and she was just so calm and peaceful. Wow, what a moment!

We were in the hospital for 5 days. I wanted to stay as long as insurance would let me because I just felt so unsure of what I was doing. The nurses were absolutely amazing. They were so helpful. When I was crying to one of the nurses about my unsuccessful breastfeeding attempts, I remember her encouraging me and telling me one day I'll be stirring a pot of spaghetti with one hand and breastfeeding with the other! That never happened, but I always think of her when I make spaghetti and holding Olivia in the other arm.

The lactation consultants were super helpful too. I just completely broke down and cried one day and Mr. Ho had no idea what was wrong with me. I can't really put into words how frustrating it is. I thought I was "prepared" for all of this. But as much as I felt intense love for my child, she was also like a stranger. We had never met face-to-face and I had no idea what to do with her. She obviously was dealing with being outside of the comforts of the womb. And here I am thrusting this nipple into her mouth. It all seems so funny now, but man. I was heartbroken. I gave breastfeeing a good try for a month. She was getting SOMETHING because she was gaining weight but it was just not working out for us.

One day, I surrendered myself to the pump. I told breastfeeding to go eff itself and decided to go with the machine. As long as she was getting breastmilk, did it really matter how? So I pumped every 2-3 hours around the clock.

And now here I am, a complete year later. Still pumping but only twice a day as opposed to 8-10. I have a beautiful baby girl, who is thriving and happy. She loves to dance and listen to music. She loves to eat and try new flavors. She loves to manseh, clap, and do her pretty pose. She gives kisses and big smiles morning to night. She has 6 teeth. She loves to cruise. She points to dogs and says "mung mung" (dog in korean). She enjoys staring at the window and telling me about everything outside. She loves to read books.

I have a terrible shoulder from holding her on my left arm all the time. This past weekend, I was laying down and got up wrong and really hurt myself. I yelled and just held my shoulder for a bit and leaned my head on the sofa. Olivia was sitting on the sofa. She started to tear up when she heard me, crawled over, and put her head on my head and gave me little pats on the head. It was the most endearing moment of my life and I'll just never forget that feeling.

Life is not the same. And there are some times I wish I could just have some alone time. I wish I could sleep 12 hours. I wish I could just run out and run errands. I wish I could get drunk and eat shin ramyun at 4 in the morning with no worries for the next day.

But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I curse while getting up in the morning. But the second I pick her up from her crib and she says "umma," my life is perfect.

Happy 1st Birthday to my Olivia.

10 Days Late

No, not what you think. I told myself I'd start weaning from the pump one month before Olivias birthday. And I haven't started. I even had it in my planner: "Feb 1: WEANING!!!!"

I can't bring myself to do it. Why? I feel an enormous amount of guilt. I guess it's that mommy guilt rearing it's ugly head. She does so well on breastmilk. What if cows milk just doesn't do her any good? What if she hates it? Breastmilk provides all these antibodies. Should I just keep going until flu season is over at least?

We got a new dishwasher so washing bottles and pump parts has become a thing of the past. Our awesome Samsung dishwasher sanitizes and it is really just amazing. But weaning would free up so much of my time. Sigh. I know I gotta start soon.

I had a dream last night I had another baby girl. And I've been thinking all day about having another baby. After Olivia was born, I told myself I would NEVER do it again. But I miss that newborn-ness. I feel like I was so delirious from the labor and the c section that I didn't get to really enjoy it. This time, it's an automatic c section so it might be easier? Idk. I would like Olivia to be walking and out of diapers first. Mr. Ho wants a Dragon. Olivia is a special tiger - a white tiger and apparently this upcoming dragon is special too. But the tiger and the dragon won't get along because they will both be so fierce.

I'm getting way ahead of myself.

Olivia can clap on cue now. It's adorable!! I love when she Gives me love. She rubs her face all over mine. Or I love When she takes a break from playing and will crawl over to rest her head on me. She also starts "singing" along when she she's really in the mood.

Excuse the typos. I'm on my phone. Gnite!!

New Year, Old Me

So far, 2011 has been pretty good! Mr. Ho and I rang in the new year at Rays the Steaks with SIL, BIL, BFFF, SeanJon, Fahd, and Fernanda. Great company and delicious food - it was a wonderful start to the new year.

Do you believe that 2012 will be the end of the world? That would mean that this would be the last year of our lives. I don't believe it. I'm pretty sure the Bible says that God is not going to end the world when everyone expects it. But even if it were true, it makes you want to live every single day passionately. My generic resolution is to savor. Savor every bite, every hug, every laugh, every deep and/or mindless conversation, every kiss, every snuggle. Hm. I guess it's pointless to learn how to swim and I'll just wait till 2013 to do that.

Mr. Ho surprised me with dinner reservations at Volt in Frederick for my birthday! I've been wanting to go ever since Top Chef and the Voltaggio Brothers took over. Table 21 was booked for the entire year but we were able to sit at the Chef's Table, which was just as good as Table 21. We had a 7 course dinner (see picture) and it was probably one of the Top 10 meals of my life! It was absolutely divine. I never knew beets could taste that good. Actually, every single dish was to die for. OMG I'm so hungry all over again. And you know I was looking for Bryan the entire time and definitely asked the waiter to get me a picture with him!

I'm 29 now. Last year of my 20's. I don't know whether I'm supposed to be thrilled to still be in my 20's or to be sad about this slow, painful encroachment towards middle age. Ugh.

Very distracted right now. Trying to pump, watch Desperate Housewives online, blog, and respond to FB messages.

EDIT
Just got done cleaning bottles. Now eating birthday cake. While I was scrubbing away, I thought of a few more things I wanted to jot down.

Here's a weird marriage moment. One night Mr. Ho was fast asleep and I was still awake and googling random things on my iPhone trying to pass time till I felt sleepy. I googled "2012 theories." Scared myself and went to sleep. The next morning, I went to see what was on our DVR and lo and behold, Mr. Ho had DVR'd Nostradamus: 2012 stuff off the History Channel! Weird. Also, apparently, I snore.

I think pregnancy did something strange to my bangs. They used to swoosh better. I think it's the post-partem hair loss that has now resulted on less bang swoopage.

What I got for my birthday (I know you want to know): knotted black circle scarf from Australia and gift card from SIL, lycee (spelling?) from in-laws, spa gift card from BFFF, gorgeous flowers from DHuang, Shark vacuum and steamer from my parents (soon to be purchased), and a gift certificate from my brother. I have to note that my brother, who now lives in Tysons, drove out to Fairfax in rush hour to bring me a card/gift and to wish me a happy birthday. You have no idea - this was a HUGE gesture from my little brother. It really made my day!!!

And yes, Shark vacuum and steamer. My parents asked me what I wanted and they said, "shoes?" And I said, "No. Steamer." I'M THRILLED!! I'm also going to purchase one of those vacuum sealer thingys??

Poor Mr. Ho. He has Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's Day, and Olivia's birthday one right after the other. I forgot to mention that as an early gift, I received the new MacBook Air (LOVEEE). We are working on something with the jeweler. It's nothing too big but very sentimental. I can't wait.

I think that's all for now. Hope my birthday was a great day for all!

Project Panic

What the HECK have I been doing??!!!

Olivia's dol is coming up way too quickly. I am having a mild panic attack. I came up with a quick checklist tonight and that list is a bit overwhelming now. I'm debating whether I should blog about the planning or just shock and awe you on that day.

Maybe I am going a bit overboard with this but it's her DOL! And it's her GOLDEN birthday! And that only comes ONCE in your life. Oh my sweet little baby. I wonder if I'm going to cry during this occasion. I already get teary-eyed when I look at her newborn pictures...

Or maybe I should take Mr. Ho's advice and just relax and keep it simple. She is only one year old, for goodness sake... We'll see how much I can get done between now and the party.

I'm feeling much better, btw. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me some meds. The aches went away but the meds made me really nauseous and gave me a horrible headache. Luckily, that cleared up today. I was able to go get my hair done with Leah. I haven't seen her in over a year. I missed her! She is the only one I trust with this head. I hope she never leaves this area.

My doll of a husband has done the morning shift the past three days and that has helped me so much. I haven't gotten this much sleep since pre-baby! 1030-7/8ish. I don't know if it's the meds or what but I have dreamt about the Kardashians the past two nights. I hope I do it again tonight. Fun dreams.

Did I mention Olivia has 3 teeth coming in? It is just the cutest thing. She is trying to master pulling herself up and such. I think she could do all these things a lot quicker but we seem to hold her a lot. And so do her grandparents. She needs more floor time - note to self.

I know, I talk about Olivia A LOT. But she is my entire world right now. These are the projects that will be overtaking my life/blog for awhile:

-DOL
-Basement

Ok, just two projects but BIG ones.

Ugh

I'm ssiiiiiccckkkkk.

I have mastitis, which is a breast infection, and it effing sucks. Thank God for my wonderful husband who took care of Olivia the entire day while I fought chills, fever, major body aches, and o-so painful boobs. I cannot wait till my boobs return to being just that - boobs! And nothing more!

Wednesday Night

Not much to say but thought I'd just add in a quick entry to get in the swing of blogging frequently.

We spent the day at home today. We have been going out to run errands the past few days so Olivia's nap schedule has been completely thrown off, which means her night sleep is not up to par. She is starting to really fuss when Mr. Ho leaves for work. It's really cute to see her get all worked up. If you ask her "Where's Appa?" she'll start to grunt and babble. She likes to say (what we believe to be) "Appa" over and over and over again. If you ask her "Where's Rocky?" she'll look up towards the stairs and babble since our poor dog sleeps the entire day and only comes down the stairs when Mr. Ho comes home from work.

I've also started planning her Dol. I think we are going to do it at this place called Palace Bar + Grill in Annandale. They have a pretty good facility. The only thing I really despise is the exterior of the building - it looks like a barn or something. But, they have all of the dol components in-house so less work, time, and money on my end. If you're reading this, you are invited! Unless you are some stranger who stumbled upon this site, then no, you are not invited.

Just a little over two months and she'll be an entire year old! I NEVER thought this day would come, especially during those sleep-deprived nights in the beginning. It's bittersweet to see her grow up so quickly. But you know what I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to??? TO STOP PUMPING!!!!! I am going to go all Office Space on my pump on that day! I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!

I really love our Christmas tree this year. We've used the in-law's old tree the past few years, but Mr. Ho said, "new family, new tree!" I bought an 8.5 footer on target.com. Did you know you can buy a 20 foot tree on their site as well?? It's $2000 but good to know, right? How long can I keep the tree up without looking lazy? Usually, I take it down around New Years, but maybe I'll go crazy and keep it till my birthday! Ugh. My birthday. Last year of my 20s. It is just sad and I'd like it to pass quietly.

One of my favorite things about the holidays is getting cards in the mail. I love looking at my mantle full of cards. And I love the million packages at the front door since I do most of my shopping online. This year, Mr. Ho and I made lists of what we would want. His list was very simple and practical. Nothing too grand. Mine, on the other hand, was a bit long, excessive, and expensive. LOL! There were some items for less than $100, but I can't help it. You try spending most of your day in the confines of your home and tell me your imagination doesn't run wild. Mine just tends to run to the label-whoring side.

Anyway, I can actually make it to bed before 11 so I should go. Goodnight!

PS. Please excuse all spelling and grammar mistakes in all entries. Time is a luxury and I'd rather spend it doing something else then editing :)