B

I love Beyonce.

Stroller Twin

Uppababy Vista

Perspective/Happy Early Mother's Day

I just wanted to give a special shout-out to ALL the mom's out there.  Young and old.  Stay-at-home mommies and working mommies.

You will never know the words "it is the hardest job out there" until you have lived it.  It is ALL-consuming.  You sacrifice every part of you, physical, mental, and emotional to raising your child.  Every decision you make revolves around them and their ultimate happiness.

I pray every night for her safety, happiness and well-being.  I never want to pressure her to be that straight-A girl.  There is more to life than academics and extra-curricular activities.  I just want her to do the very best at whatever she does.  This life is too short and too fast to be hell-bent on studying your youth away.  Good grades don't guarantee some big-shot career (here's looking at me).

Having a child changes your perspective.  Especially on your parents.  I keep thinking about my youth when there was a "moment" with my mom.  The time she wrote me a letter when I went off to college.  The time she walked out on my piano recital because I messed up a million times (omg, embarrassed just thinking about it).  The times we fought.  The times she told me she was proud of me.  The times she would check in on me after I was asleep - I always heard her.  Now I understand her perspective of me, as HER child.  The hopes she had for me.  My pain is her pain.  My joy is her joy.  And the circle of life (are you picturing The Lion King scene with baby Simba) repeats it self with Olivia.

You can't compare anything to being a mother.  Creating life in your own body is just insane, alien-esque and amazing at once.  And then trying to raise your child is just such a fucking hard thing to do.  It really, REALLY sucks so much of the time.  Like when she cries for no reason and only wants you in the middles of the night.  Or when she deliberately pees all over the couch right after you washed the covers an hour ago.  Or when she looks you straight in the eye and dumps all the food.  But then your kid does something that makes up for it 150% - like smiling at you or yelling "hug" and giving you a ferocious hug.  Or she makes you laugh by saying "Wind tickles!  Silly wind."  WTF, why is she so cute??

She is my everything.

But seriously, give it up for all the dedicated, hard-working moms out there.  They make the world go 'round.

(I want another baby).

Lazy

I do not feel like doing anything. So far , the entire week has been like this.
The house really needs to be cleaned. Majorly. But for once, I don't really give a shit. Maybe I'm hoping that if it gets bad enough, Mr. Ho will be shocked enough to call the cleaners. This is never going to happen.

On the separate, more happy note, I spoke to my dear friend Mrs. Smith today! She just had her 2nd bebe 6 weeks ago. I just wanted to hear her birth story (we had semi similar labor stories with our firsts) and how it was like adjusting to having 2 kiddos. As I expected, it's rough. But worth it.

I have baby fever, guys. Today, it's at 98 degrees. On fi-yah. I just looked at some of Olivia's baby pictures and got all misty eyed. She was such a chubster :).

Not awesome

Bathing and putting baby in the crib and then they poop.

Name Game

Maybe I've been looking at this bag way too often, but the name (for a future daughter) Celine is really growing on me. But then I remember Celine Dion and I waver. If I had two daughters named Olivia and Celine, would anyone think of Olivia Newton-John and Celine Dion? Now that I've put it out there, I probably won't hear the last of it. No one better steal this name without my permission either.

I actually saw some woman carrying a black one at the mall the other day. I was about to go all WWE on her and take it. Of course, she was korean.

I'll accept with wide open arms and a grateful heart in any of the following colors. Black first, red second.

One day, Celine... One day...

Babies

Went to a play date/party today and all the Mom's that have toddlers Olivia's age are now pregnant again or have already had another baby!

Baby fever at about 95 degrees today. Yikes.

:)

A little girl in music class told me she liked my hair and pet me.

And another mom brought in her one month old. Ah! Teeny tiny.

It was just so sweet.

Baby fever is at about 67 degrees today.

Glamour!

Can't wait to see this bebe grow up!

Amen

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

By Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Toddler

Today I chased a screaming, crying 20 month old around the entire first floor of the house because she didn't want to put on her coat before leaving the house.

This has never happened before. She's usually very obedient.

I thought maybe she just didn't want to cover up her new Hello Kitty t shirt?

I just couldn't believe my life at that moment.

1. When did my sweet baby become a sassy toddler?

2. Am I really a mom?

3. Am I really trying to wheel and deal a toddler? "If you put on your coat, I'll give you a snack!".

Father and Son Duo

Brad Kroenig and his son Hudson. I think Brad is a Lagerfeld muse and now his son is his main competition and you can see why! Tres cute!

Fever

There are babies all around me!!

Babies being born, babies being conceived, babies on Facebook.

Not going to lie, it gives me baby fever. When I saw SIL's baby, I just about went into a baby-induced freakout. I wanted a baby ASAP. But that feeling has died down somewhat. I'd say on scale from 1-10, my baby fever is at about a 6.

PS. The TJ MAXX on route 7 is bomb.com!

Today

Today was a good day! Well, it started off not so great. I tripped on the garage stairs and braced my fall with my bad left shoulder. I was super annoyed on my drive to Little Gym.

Little Gym. *sigh* Ok, it was a little better. She was a TAD bit more interest in the activities. But man, she's very...spirited? For instance, during the singing transition times, she would yell/babble and make this "stop" hand motion. And then slap my hands away when I tried to clap along. And during the ball time, she went up to each kid and took away their ball and then just chucked them to the side. Didn't even play with the ball. Mr. Ho just laughed and laughed when I told him the story, but I was mortified. I just don't really know how to handle these situations. It's all new to her. It's all new to me.

The best part was after class. We hung out by the fountain with another girl in our class. She came with her nanny. Apparently, the family just moved here from Boston and they will fly the nanny every week until they find a replacement. The current nanny is AWESOME! She's super friendly and you can tell she has a great bond with the little girl. She told me she works 10 (sometimes longer) hour days. Does the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, homework-ing, play time, EVERYTHING. The father is a doctor and the mother is a stay-at-home marketing director? I told her she is the type of nanny other moms will try to poach! But it was nice to talk to someone with a child, even if she was the nanny. By the looks if it, she is probably more of a mother to the child than the actual mother. With all that the nanny does, what do the parents do??! We actually made plans to hang out with the girls next Wednesday. Yay!

Olivia and I also did a Costco run and I made the best spare ribs in the slow cooker.

Twas my day, folks.

Unsolicited Advice

I hate when people offer unsolicited advice. Especially when it comes to my own child.

But I know I am so guilty of it too. So, I apologize if I ever annoy you with my wisdom. I swear, it's coming from a good place. I just want to help.

While I'm on the topic, here's some right now!

Don't touch other people's children. If it's a close friend's or family member's, at least let it be known you washed your hands (with water AND soap). It makes me so mad when strangers rub their nasty, dirty hands on my daughter's face. arms, legs, hands. I don't know where your hands have been all day.

The end.

Harper Seven

I adore the Beckham's daughter's name. I want to be that daughter. Imagine the COLLECTION she is inheriting from her mother. Jaw, meet Floor.

How great would it be to be them for one day? Yummy.

Diapers

I wonder how many diapers I've changed. And then I wonder how many diapers the Duggars have changed.

Tina Fey's Prayer for her Daughter

If at all possible, I love Tina Fey even more!!!! I am totally going to read her new book Bossypants while I'm on vacation!


First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Sunday Night

Sunday nights are all the same. Unwinding from the weekend, getting ready for another week. I'm just sitting here at my desk in the kitchen, drinking wine, listening to Adele, and jotting down things-to-do in my planner. It's nice and quiet in the house. Mr. Ho's at football and Miss Olive is off in dreamland.

We had a good weekend. Yesterday was a rainy, miserable day. We went to the grocery store at 8 AM and then I did laundry and cleaned the house throughout the day. Mr. Ho made homemade ramen. It was Momofuku style. UNBELIEVABLY delicious!!!! It is an all-day affair but so worth the deliciousness! Today, I had lunch with Kim and Michelle at Wildfire. It was great to catch up with the ladies. Then we went to dinner with the in-laws and Olive's great-grandmother and Uncle Steve/Bong!

I had all these things I wanted to write and now I can't remember a damn thing.

Oh, here's one. While I'm sleeping and I have to pee in real life, I always dream about peeing. I search for a bathroom and it's always I either can't find one, the bathroom is filthy and I don't want to pee, or I sit on a toilet and no matter how hard I try, I just can't pee. Thank goodness I've never wet the bed. Haha.

So people keep asking me when I'm having another bebe. It's inevitable. Listen, I just want to enjoy Olivia. I want to relish in our little unit of 3. I want to feel normal for a little bit. And then we'll try again. Give me at least a year. Let me celebrate my 30th birthday in a drunken stupor and then we'll talk.

I have a picture of Miranda Kerr as my wallpaper on my iPhone as thinspiration but it's not working. I think I need to tattoo her hot body onto my hand or something. There is only one picture of her that really pisses me off though.


I hate it for 2 reasons.
1. She looks effing unbelievable after having a child! I looked a hot swollen mess.
2. I am super jealous of her beautiful baby at the boob. I still get really sad about that.

Anyway.

I took Oli to my grandparents on Friday. I always hate myself afterwards because I don't go there enough. They get such joy from seeing their great-granddaughter. What is wrong with me? We walked around Montgomery Mall afterwards. Zara has an AMAZING collection right now. It took SO MUCH self-control not to buy out the store. I just bought a couple of items because I have to remember I'll get to do some damage in California. I purchased a pair of pants, a navy blazer, a t-shirt dress, and a poofy skirt. I reluctantly put down a tank, shorts, and the CUTEST green dress. I was SO close to keeping the dress but I saw that the stitching was off and it was the last in my size so... *sigh*

I cleaned my closet yesterday. I got rid of 2 trashbags full of stuff and it didn't really make a dent. I really wish I had a personal stylist to bring me tons of options.

Ok. I think I'm going to take a shower. Nitey Nite Party People!

Trading up

I've traded in my cute clothes for prune juice stained sweatpants.



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