12 Weeks

I had my screen for Downs and Trisomy at the Genetics and IVF Institute this past week.  We had a lengthy sonogram and watched the little peanut chill on it's back and move it's limbs.  Got my results yesterday.  My risk factor is 1/10,000 so that's fantastic news!

I also had a 12 week appointment with the OBGYN and listened to its heart beat.  I enjoy sonograms and the heart monitoring because it makes it more real.  On the day-to-day, I just feel tired and ill.  I don't have a belly and I can't feel any movements, so it's almost surreal that I'm going to have another baby.  I look at Olivia and remember her as an infant and I'm so excited to do that over again.  I can't wait to hold a little one.  Here's hoping that since it's the second time around, I know what I'm doing.

Definitely, I'm more scared than last time.  While pregnant with Olivia, it was very dreamy and all, "this is going to be so perfect!"  But I know what it's really like and how much worse it could be.  Looking back, Olivia was a pretty easy baby.  No colic, no major illnesses.  She hit all her milestones on time.  The only hard part was the non-breastfeeding but even pumping became second nature.  I almost think that pumping was easier in comparison to constantly whipping out the boob.  At least with pumping, it's a scheduled feeding?  I don't know.

I'm scared to death of another c-section too.  If it's scheduled, I'm hoping my body won't be as wiped out since I won't be laboring for 20 hours like last time.  But at the same time, I hate all the drugs they give you.  It IS major surgery.  And it definitely impacts how quickly your milk comes in.  PLUS the recovery is so much harder than a vaginal birth.  The doctors say I can consider a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section), but it really is just physics with me.  Olivia didn't fit.  What are the chances of this one "fiitting."  Olivia was even early so if she was full term, she would've been even bigger than she was.  The doctor asked me what size shoe I wore and said there was a midwives rumor that your foot size is correlated to your pelvic opening so NO WONDER my baby didn't fit.  I have ELFIN feet!

So I'm totally rambling because I am totes nervous.